The Why (and The Why Me) Part I

Anna, 2010, first day of Kindergarten

First off, let me just say that this was not the plan, this homeschooling business.  My children were never going to do anything but public school.

I come from a long line of teachers.  (And interestingly, in recent years, I come from a long line of disillusioned, slightly embittered teachers.  Another story, though.)  My mother and both her sisters were teachers, and both of my grandfathers taught at the university level.  (The rest of the aunts and uncles gravitated towards music education, ministry and selling books.  We are not a wealthy bunch, we.)  I, in fact, left for college expecting to become a high school English teacher, only to get seduced by Mistress Art.  In my family, you went to public school, you respected your teachers (even if they stunk), you learned what they taught, you got good grades and then you went off to college.

Homeschooling was not considered.  Homeschooling was a radical, ridiculous thing, and we were not radical, ridiculous people.  Homeschooling was something that crazy people did, who wanted to go off grid and never have any time to pursue their own personal passions and interests.  Homeschooling was just... out of the question.

I started having my public school mental "meltdowns" when Anna went to Kindergarten.  She went to an awesome in-home preschool-- the teacher was Reggio Emilia in her approach, which I loved for preschool.  Very hands-on, very loving-- I basically wanted to stay and do preschool myself every day when I dropped her off.  And I am so very glad she had a year to learn and play and be an age-appropriate kid, because when I first walked into her Kindergarten class, I wanted to cry.  When we walked in, she looked up at me and said with distress, "There are no toys."  And there weren't.  No play kitchen.  No art station.  No blocks.  Nothing like the Kindergarten of my yesteryears. 

I was a dutiful public school mom that year.  I volunteered my booty off (and frustratingly only met about 3 other moms), examined all of her classwork with interest (which I found to be a great deal of busywork and often found myself wondering, "Couldn't they just play with playdough?"), helped Anna with her much-hated homework (whilst muttering to myself, "Why on earth does a kindergartener need homework?") and I got to know her teacher pretty well.  I ended the year rather drained and feeling, "Meh."

The next year was more of the same, but with much less in-school involvement on my part, due to having a much-longed-for newborn at home.  Again, I liked her teacher.  Anna seemed decently happy.  I still found myself constantly questioning the amount of busywork.  I was still feeling isolated as a mom-- both to what my daughter was actually doing during the day and with the school system in general.   End of school year: more "Meh."

Around this time, some neighborhood girls began treating my daughter poorly.  I was already thinking we needed a change, so I decided to switch her from the small town school she was currently in, to a much larger school system with better testing "scores."

Well.

It has been an interesting four months, to say the least.  Within a few weeks, I went from the subject of homeschooling constantly being on the cusp of my brain to having it engulf me.  I am not going to say that moving Anna to her new school was a disaster and a mistake.  It wasn't.  Rather, it fully awakened me to some big problems and my unhappiness with public school in general.  We might have coasted for a few more years in her previous school, but I believe I would have arrived at this same point... just further off-track from where we want our daughter to be and with possibly more damage to undo.   

I don't want to go into great depth (it makes my brain hurt too much at this point) but some of the waterfall of issues leading us to homeschooling are: 1) she really wasn't doing well academically and I had no clue and would STILL not have a clue had I not started digging and questioning and making a nuisance of myself.  2) uncomfortable lack of communication with teacher and school.  3) more and more and more busywork.  4) bullying on playground and bus. 5) more requests for my daughter's time away from family ("Oh, we will catch her up with some early morning computer busywork!"  Uh, because the schools dropped the ball in the first place?  Sigh.) 

... and the biggest reason, I have just seen a change in my daughter.   I don't like it.  I don't think she is happy (would you be happy getting punched in the nose on the bus?) and I have seen a definite increase in a sour home attitude.  I don't want to backtrack for the teen years.  I don't want her to get so far away from us spiritually that we don't want her around.  I see that so often with kids and it breaks my heart.  It has to change now.

The funny thing is that, and you are probably going to roll your eyes here, but my biggest hang-up to pulling the homeschool trigger was... my mom.  I was dreading telling her and getting a fretted lecture about ruining my daughter.  I love my mom and she is usually right about most things and I value her opinion.  I really needed that blessing.  But whenever I have brought up homeschooling in the past, I get the raised eyebrow.  Amazingly, though, through her own personal series of professional events, as well as my semester-long school recounts and rants, my mother actually finally said to me, "I think you should homeschool."  Total God thing.  He is good to me, down to the last drop.

Later:  The Why (and the Why Me) Part II